SMILF: I don’t give a…
Courtesy of the fabulous Natalie Dee. No one says it better than her right?
As I said, I started therapy back in February. I just had a lot going on. I’ll go into some of it more later but just a lot on my mind, a lot of stress, and I could feel myself going in this horrid downward spiral and I wasn’t interested in continuing the spiral. The therapy has been a life saver for me. I am on therapist #2 now and I love her. It’s great to not only have someone to just vent to, but someone who will hold me accountable for things (besides BOTB although she does a damn good job of it).
Last week I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist. I have been dragging my feet on going on meds for a long time. Looking back, I can see that even 6-8 months ago I was beyond stressed out and having a lot of general anxiety over things that just shouldn’t cause that much anxiety - day to day things. Not that I’m one of those people who blames everything on their childhood and past, but most of my anxiety and control issues DO come from how I grew up with my dad being an alcoholic. I know this now more than ever after reading some fabulous books and talking to other people. In any case, I knew I needed to do something about it because on some days I’m a walking time bomb.
For some reason I have been against going on any meds for my general anxiety disorder. I think there are a lot of reasons. I think anxiety and depression meds in general are scary because there can be a shit ton of side effects and I am not interested in side effects. I also think that some of them have this stigma that if you go on them you will be a walking zombie and I’m not interested in that either. I also didn’t want to go on anything that was addictive because I am prone to addiction anyway. I finally sucked it up after both therapists suggested I go on something very low dosage and clean just to try to even me out a bit (aka, to quit being a bitch for no reason).
Last week my psychiatrist prescribed me a very low dosage (5mg) of Lexapro. I know people who use Lexapro and love it. I also know people who have used it and hated every minute of it. But I’m giving it a shot. The first night I took it, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was going to vomit and was drenched in sweat. I also took it around 10pm and washed it down with a glass of Gewurtztraminer. Hm. Maybe not the smartest thing? I was scared to take it again after that so I didn’t take it for a few days because I had too much going on - I couldn’t risk being sick again. I started back on it Tuesday night and guess what? So far so good! I’m now taking it with dinner and haven’t drank anything so maybe this is the key. Although I do have a friend who takes Proazac and two Xanax a day and washes it down with a copious amount of Grey Goose every night and is just fine. Annnnnnywho….
I’m told it takes a few weeks to really notice the effects of the drug. So I’m hoping in no time that I will feel just like this fabulous little character that Natalie Dee created….that I just won’t give a fuck about things that I normally would freak the hell out about. Keep your fingers crossed for me..and everyone involved with me.
You are such a bad listener. I told you not to drink while you’re on that shit
BOTB - HA I know, I totally thought of you. I only had one little eensy weensy glass though….You know me. Sometimes I like to learn my lessons the hard way
HAHA Well that’s the problem. A tiny bit of alcohol can do a lot of damage. When they had me on similar meds for migraines I couldn’t even have a glass of wine with dinner.
I’m on Lexapro and it’s been a good drug for me. I call it my “happy pills.” I also started seeing a therapist about a month ago and that’s helped a lot too.
If someone took away my ‘pro, I’d probably go postal.
I am curious to know how it goes, I have always been against going on meds. But I am wondering if it might help me and my anxiety. Before all this stepmom stuff I was fine. But now I feel like I am back in high school dealing with the mean girls and am full of insecurity I hate it!! Hope it gets better for you.
I’m glad it’s going better this time! Fingers crossed that it helps!
Thanks all! I’ll keep you informed of how it goes. I’m supposed to up the dosage in two weeks. Yikes! Not drinking wine though….eh….this might be a problem. HA
Good luck! I struggled with depression for a long time, and I was on Paxil for quite a while. I’m glad that I’m able to cope without it now, but I completely understand the need to take control of yourself when things just get out of hand. I deal with anxiety a lot too, so I can relate. Hang in there…I hope you will be not giving a fuck very soon!
I think it takes a lot of courage to make the decision to go on meds for all the reasons you stated. But, I know a lot of people who have gone on anti-anxiety medicine and it’s done wonders for them. Whether for a few weeks or longer. I hope you’ll find the results you’re looking for.
Good luck! It would be nice to have a not give a fuck feeling about the stupid little things.
I’m glad to hear you got the help you needed. Coming from a family of anxiety/depression prone people, I can say with absolutely certainty that the meds can make a huge difference.
Greatz !